1. 26
    Nov

    "When you don’t know whether to be disgusted or intrigued, you’ve found something worth keeping."

    - my brain.
  2. 26
    Nov

    And it all comes down to this..

    Why I am up all night eludes me. I guess this not working thing isn’t working for me. I am up at 1 o’clock in the morning watching SpongeBob with my 2 year old nephew. Even he isn’t asleep. I have too much on my mind. I need to schmoke. Guy problems, home problems, money problems. All problems. I need to get back into the kitchen. This is killing me. I feel soooo useless. And once again my mind has been captured by this one individual. This is becoming a bit ridiculoso to say the least. I need to do laundry. I need to find a new habitat. I need a lot of things. Like an attention span, that might be helpful.

  3. 17
    Nov

    The time change isn’t all that’s standing between us..

    I think I just completely realized how disconnected I am from this world. I didn’t know what today’s date was (not unusual) and hadn’t realized how much time has passed. I often forget what year we are living in. I have become so consumed in my career that I let life pass me by. I love my career, it is my passion, but sometimes I think I overdo it. Now is one of those times.

  4. 31
    Oct

    While the whole world sleeps..

    I haven’t posted in a while. Life’s been hectic; born to be a busybody rebel I guess. When I write, I feel like I can stay off in my daydream forever. That’s how I spend most of my alone time, doing something that puts me in a state of wonder until something from the real world grabs my attention. I forgot how much I love writing, and how well it goes with reading and day dreaming, all things I LOVE to do. And there I said that dastardly word, love. A simple four letter word that can be a free spirited day dream and a binding contract all in one. I think I am in (insert dastardly word here) with a man. A man I have loved for a long time. Someone I have always had a high respect for that offset the rest. He has been there for quite the large portion of my semi long term memory. I met this particular specimen in middle school, seventh grade to be exact if my memory does serve me right. I remember being in gym class with him. Then having English class with him in eighth. That’s where the memories began. The inside jokes. The crush. The staring. The hugs from behind. I remember he was the first guy I ever slow danced with. Our friends pushed us together in the middle of the dance floor. My hands behind his neck, his below my waist. “We Belong Together” by the ever so famous love song empress Mariah Carey came on and I was stuck. Here I am, seven years later, stuck. It’s been like this on and off, for years now. He wants me, I want him, but never at the same time. I think we’ve finally met in the middle. And I think I’ve finally met my match. Sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally, intellectually, creatively and humorously. My friend said he’s the male version of me. Not long ago he got drunk and saw me before leaving for the military. Drunken words being sober thoughts; he told me yet again he wanted to marry me. This time although, was a bit different. He planned out our life together. Very basically, but to the point blunt. He told me I’m doing my chef thing and he’s doing his firefighting thing and when our careers take off we’ll get married. He began to say we would have kids, I think mostly because he wanted to fulfill things he thought I wanted, but then I told him I didn’t want kids, as I already knew he didn’t, then we mutually agreed upon having dogs. I have a dog and he wants to obtain a husky. HAHA a bit out of the box, but the way he came across changed my perspective. He left his friends house to be with me. He told me things he didn’t think I was ready to hear but he subconsciously felt like he was on a timeline, and if he didn’t tell me at that particular time he might not get the chance to. Oh the aftermath and effects of liquid courage. He kept telling me how amazing I was, then wanted to hold my hand and spent the night with me. Of course we had sex, but the way it was was quite a bit different than your average occasional fuck. The way he kissed me, touched me, considered me, held me. It was amazing. I woke up to my best friend sleeping next to me, with his arm over me protecting me. He’s always protected me. I can’t even write this without the urge to tear up. I’m in love, whether I am comfortable with admitting it or not. I wonder if I’m stuck in an unforgettable day dream, or if this is soon to be reality. I hope it’s the latter. And I hope he really feels the way I believe he does. When the bliss of a daydream becomes everyday reality, I will be eternally grateful and truthfully happy. I’m well on my way there.

  5. 19
    Aug

    Despite our differences, what we have’s enough..

    Trying to uplift my spirits listening to Indigo Girls, Matchbox Twenty and Counting Crows, bands my mom listened to when I was a little girl. They’ve got a lot to say, as do I. Sometimes it’s nice to listen to other people’s perspectives while trying to gather your own. I’ve got a lot on my plate these days, as if that’s any different than any other time in my life. Trying to find a new apartment, completely solo. I’m tired of roommates, point blank. Also, I’m starting my bachelor’s degree online in culinary management on October 1st. Not to mention my new job as a line cook at Oracle, a huge multi billion dollar software company. I’ve got my shit together, for the most part. Now is the polishing of the edges, this diamond in the rough is trying to SHINE! I am not the most patient person in the world at times, I know this. Right now I’m just hoping, praying and waiting for everything to come together the way I have anticipated. I’m waiting for that one guy to hold the key to my heart, the responsible gorgeous one that makes me nervous every time I see him (I think I might have already found him.) I’m also waiting to own the house I’ve always wanted, score the amazing paying job where I’m making the big bucks as the head hauncho and the jaw dropping food. I’m waiting to travel around the world and see all of the unforgettable nature life has to offer along with experiences that make memories of a lifetime. Sooo many things I am waiting for, all in do time. A lot of things are falling into place. I haven’t found all of the puzzle pieces but I do believe I have about 80% of them and I know more or less which pieces they are connected to, it’s just a matter of putting them together. Such a long process. I mean ya, I’m only 20, but to me I would have thought I would’ve seen a lot more, been more places and accomplished more by now, or at least I wanted to. I don’t know, maybe I’m too hard on myself sometimes, I can be a pretty harsh person. I’m trying to find my happy medium/balance of living in the now, learning from the past and shaping my future. Not so easy when you have to work, go to school and have a real life outside of all that. I’m doing my best though, and that will have to be good enough for now, well, for always :D

  6. 5
    Jul

    I’d love to see the rock and roll hall of fame..

    I think it’s time for a new adventure. New people, new heights, new places. I need a refresher course on life and how to have fun, I don’t get enough of it. I feel like I’m flyin’ solo on a never ending journey riding that big ass dog dragon from that one movie. I should take a “sabbatical” who the fuck says “sabbatical” anyways? I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I need one, you know, to “explore” and what not. What better is there to do, I’ve already put myself through school, now I need to put my self through happiness, since I’ve escaped the dark depths of hell and beyond. All these mother fuckers are killin’ me. I need to escape. 

    “so when your done doing whatever, and when your through doing whoever..”

  7. 10
    Apr

    Time Travel<3

    I want to travel through time. I feel like I do every day anyways, so why the fuck not. As of late I feel like people are coming and going so fast in my life I don’t know what to do with it. I just want to leave, go far away again, disappear. It’s what I’m best at. I’m trying to find people worth keeping around and it seems every time I do there’s a mass compromise. I think I’ve finally found one I can’t be without and it’s ridiculous. All of a sudden my emotions are compromised and I want to drop everything I have to be with said person. It is soo out of my norm I’m scaring people, including myself. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around the people that were in my life before I met this person. I need to clear my brains.

  8. 12
    Nov

    "You’ve reached a critical turning point. Don’t shy away from adventure because you fear failure. Change and open up your heart to the world. You may hesitate to make a move because you don’t want to make waves, but how else are you going to advance in life?"

  9. 12
    Nov

    Astrology

    My horoscope always makes me feel better. It’s super hit or miss though, sometimes I have no idea what it’s talking about and other times it’s speaking about exactly what is happening in my life. Today was one of those days. It sucked and my horoscope hit everything on the nose. It’s insane how accurate it can be. I hope what it says is going to happen :D

  10. 12
    Nov

    Why can’t people be honest?

    I’m soooo sick of guessing games. I wish people were always honest with each other. If you can’t handle the truth then get the fuck out of my kitchen. I don’t see why people don’t approach me with the truth. I can handle it, maybe I’m too intimidating. I don’t even fucking know. I just hope things get discovered. I’m ready for a new adventure, I can’t handle all of this ridiculousness. 

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